Her

This is strange. It's a type of love I don't think I've ever felt before.  It's different this time around.  It feels comfortable but at the same time it doesn't. It's like I'm happy and scared at the same time.  I dream of a life with her but I'm scared that she'll see me how I see myself. With around a month left, until I had planned to end it all, I guess I feel a need to go all out but can't shake my huge fear of commitment. I can honestly see myself marrying her, having kids, growing old together and just living in our own universe where all we need to make it is the immense love we have for each other. I have been trying to hold back a little because she is engaged but it isn't as easy this time around. It feels strange pouring out my feelings for her in this situation but at the same time that's all I want to do.  I realize that I will probably only ever be her friend but it's like I can't let that happen without her knowing how I feel but I can't even put into words how I feel about her. I love you just doesn't feel strong enough.