She said today that her suicidal thoughts aren't bothering her like they used to. That scares me more than I can describe. It scares me because I know what losing the fear of death can do to a person.  It can shut them off. It can take the pleasure out of almost anything.  You enter a state where you are simply existing. You lose the ability to go after what you want. You become numb and begin searching for anything or anyone to make you feel again. You cut to try and feel pain because you'd rather feel pain than this numb almost heartless feeling. Only problem is you don't even feel the blade as it cuts across your skin leaving a trail of ruby tears behind it. She deserves so much more than that.