It's taking everything I have to not commit tonight. I'm sorry. I don't know if I can not go through with it.  There's no point to my existence and ending it will be for the best. If I don't do it then how long? How long do I have to wait for happiness?  How long do I have to be this person that only takes? How long until I am normal? How long until I try again? How long until I can't take anymore?  I don't know how much more I can take.  I don't cry so I am insensitive.  I don't smile so I am cold hearted. I don't get angry because what's the point? I don't think I am ever going to get better.  I dont have the drive to live in this world anymore.  So what's the point? I don't deserve the life I have.  I don't deserve the people I love.  At this point I don't even deserve to live let alone be happy.  I am a fuck up.  I am an embarrassment. I am nothing so seriously just forget about me.  You think I'm awesome but I'm not. I can't tell you how I feel. So basically I am just another bullshit burden on your young life. Case and point: you only care about me when you're wasted. Im sorry for fucking with your life. I'm sorry if you feel bad because it's always my fault. I'm sorry.