*TW*

Well I'm dumb I fell for her and got burned again. I thought she was genuinely interested in me.  I guess that's my fault. I read the "I love yous" and the "I want to be with you" all wrong. So intstead of being pissed at her for thinking she lead me on I am now just pissed at myself. It's my fault I got too attached and didn't want to think that she meant something different. I am to blame but it still hurts. 
I want to die. People think Jess and I have this great relationship but we really don't.  She said if she had the choice she would rather live with Mel. If she was allowed she would rather be at his place all the time than be a part of the family.  Of course she doesn't realize how much that hurts but she doesn't and won't ever know how I came to live with my grandparents. How I woke up in a pool of my own blood. How I was screaming for him to help me as he ran out of the room to wash the blood off of himself. How I crawled, because I was too weak to stand, after him. How I remember seeing a trail of blood from my room in the basement to the bathroom. How I blacked out from bloodloss. I apologize if I was too graphic but I have been playing it in my mind over and over since someone mentioned something about a friend being raped at age 7.