Well she made it through today :). I am so proud of her for handling it as well as she did. I haven't heard from her since around midnight but I think she might have gone to bed... I hope she went to bed. I won't start freaking out too bad unless I don't hear from her tomorrow.
Jess is staying at Mel's for the weekend. I don't like it but I don't have much say in the matter. She loves him like a father because she thought he was her father until last January when she found out both him and mom were lying to her. I hope she is doing ok I miss RTMS.
I was reading the journal my mother left at Mel's today. Yeah I know it's wrong but I found it slightly insightful. I realize how messed up she had become. She no longer trusts anyone. She is living on the streets part time and when she has money she stays at her dealer's mom's house. The job she got as a cab driver only lasted for 6 shifts. Then she couldn't afford to lease the cab anymore because she drove it for personal reasons. A recurring theme is that she wants to live a normal life and have a place to live without anyone telling her she can't do certain things or telling her how to live her life. What she doesn't realize is unless she marries a rich dying person or hets a decent job then she wont ever have that. I think she finally realizes too that she had a damn good thing going for her when my grandparents were taking care of her for the past 7years. But as usual all the child support went up her nose or in her lungs and she got caught by a 13y/o girl. Mom was always too smart for her own good but her one flaw was getting too comfortable or too confident which resulted in her being sloppy.
Anywho enough of that subject. Let's talk about something happy like how much I love this girl I know. Like how everyone seems to notice that I smile every time we are texting or how I can't stop smiling for like an hour after we talk on the phone. My grandparents have already started calling her my girlfriend and they can always tell when I am texting her because as they put it I "light up". I think they are glad that I am actually showing emotion again and best of all it is a positive one. I do truly love her and because of her amazingness I am 44 days clean. My only thing is my insecurities. I am hoping they will go away in time. I know she loves Corey and probably always will but I guess I am just afraid that I am not as good as him. I guess it's just in my nature. Honestly if she thought she would be happier with him it would be ok because then at least I would know she's happy. If he didn't change and treat her the way she deserves then I would have to kill him.
I don't kniw why my mind keeps going to those wierd places but good night and if she is reading this... I love you
Jess is staying at Mel's for the weekend. I don't like it but I don't have much say in the matter. She loves him like a father because she thought he was her father until last January when she found out both him and mom were lying to her. I hope she is doing ok I miss RTMS.
I was reading the journal my mother left at Mel's today. Yeah I know it's wrong but I found it slightly insightful. I realize how messed up she had become. She no longer trusts anyone. She is living on the streets part time and when she has money she stays at her dealer's mom's house. The job she got as a cab driver only lasted for 6 shifts. Then she couldn't afford to lease the cab anymore because she drove it for personal reasons. A recurring theme is that she wants to live a normal life and have a place to live without anyone telling her she can't do certain things or telling her how to live her life. What she doesn't realize is unless she marries a rich dying person or hets a decent job then she wont ever have that. I think she finally realizes too that she had a damn good thing going for her when my grandparents were taking care of her for the past 7years. But as usual all the child support went up her nose or in her lungs and she got caught by a 13y/o girl. Mom was always too smart for her own good but her one flaw was getting too comfortable or too confident which resulted in her being sloppy.
Anywho enough of that subject. Let's talk about something happy like how much I love this girl I know. Like how everyone seems to notice that I smile every time we are texting or how I can't stop smiling for like an hour after we talk on the phone. My grandparents have already started calling her my girlfriend and they can always tell when I am texting her because as they put it I "light up". I think they are glad that I am actually showing emotion again and best of all it is a positive one. I do truly love her and because of her amazingness I am 44 days clean. My only thing is my insecurities. I am hoping they will go away in time. I know she loves Corey and probably always will but I guess I am just afraid that I am not as good as him. I guess it's just in my nature. Honestly if she thought she would be happier with him it would be ok because then at least I would know she's happy. If he didn't change and treat her the way she deserves then I would have to kill him.
I don't kniw why my mind keeps going to those wierd places but good night and if she is reading this... I love you
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