They're back. I thought I had beaten them. Those feelings where I know no one really cares. People say they care about how you feel but the truth is it's always a means to an end. People always use you to get what they want.  Occasionally it's mutually beneficial but more times than not it really isn't. The only reason she doesn't want me to kill myself is so she won't feel guilty.  The only reason I can't cut is because she will feel like a failure. The only reason she wants to make love to me is because it makes her feel desired. The only reason Jess wants me to teach her to skateboard is so she can impress some guy she hardly knows. The only reason my granparents won't let me leave this place is because they'll feel like they drove me away. I know they think I'm a lazy sack of shit. It's always about what other people feel. I'm just stuck with a fuckin smile on my face saying "please sir may have another?" I guess I'm to naive to think people do thing out of the kindness of their heart. That people actually care about other people because if they show you they care they just want something in return.