It hurts.  I know I have started so many entries like that but it truly does hurt. Reading the the texts they were sending... I was just waiting for her to get back together with him. It's obvious they both still want to be together but I think he might just be toying with her emotions.  Honestly right now I wish he would simply disappear off of the face of the planet. He pisses me off so much for what he's done, how much he has hurt her. After reading the texts I had to go to sleep because I was too depressed and didnt want to cut because it would hurt her. 
I also feel like a failure. This happens every time I get close to someone that lives far away. I begin to hate myself more and more because the only ways I know to comfort people require me to physically be there.  I can't be there so that makrs me a failure again. I can't protect her. Guess what? Another failure. I can't be the guy she wants. Put another mark under the failure column.  I am just a big ball of fucking failure. I cant handle this anymore I just want to die but she threatened if I died then she would commit. I'm sorry I'm not enough and never will be.