She's pushing me away again. I don't know what to do. I want to text her but I'm afraid to. She's done this before and it kinda hurts. By kinda I mean it does... a lot.  I can't be anything to her if she won't let me. I chase after her every time but that was before my latest clean streak. I want to cut.  I want to release this pain inside.  The easy thing would be to just cut all ties with her but I can't.  I care about her too much and the things you fight the hardest for are usually the things most precious to you. She is the most precious thing in my life right now. I know I don't always show it but I do truly care about her even if she doesn't care about me. That's why I'm still here.  I know she doesn't want to be hurt again. So I won't ask her out, but that doesn't mean I won't love her. I am good at depriving myself of things I want/need so this should come relatively easy. I don't know if I will be able to talk to her when I wake up tomorrow but I will try my damnest to be a good friend to her even if means that's all we'll ever be. Wow I sound so damn pitiful right now. She's going through some tough shit and all I can think about is myself.  Wtf is wrong with me. I guess I'm tired of being strong and holding back my feelings. I will probably cut tonight. I'm sorry but it can't be helped.  I need to go back to feeling as numb as possible to prevent my feelings for you from getting in the way of your happiness. This way you'll never have to worry about me hurting you. You can do anything you want. Just know that no matter how numb I get if you kill yourself I will follow you.
Edit:
Maybe she just wants some space... that could easily be it. I dont fucking know right now. I'll give her some space and not be my clingy little bitch self. I guess we'll see what happens.