Today was off to a rocky start. I found out Jess is cutting and Randa relapsed.  The two people I care about most had cut. I'm not disappointed, mad or anything like that.  It just hurts a fuckton. I finally got paid today for some work I did a while back which was cool. I got a weight bench and weights for my birthday but felt guilty because my grandparents kept complaining about the price. I told them a gym membership would be cheaper but as usual they didn't listen.  I also gave them an estimated price for the set of weights but they didn't listen to that eother. My mother texted me a happy birthday which I know is a lie because she hates me but whatever. 
I am now 25 years old and in theory my life is already 1/4 over. I am not where I wanted to be at this point in my life.  I am unemployed, not married and I don't have any kids, well if you dont count my sisters. I wanted to change the world.  I wanted to be do something special.  How nieve could I have been to want that. At the same time I am surprised I am still alive. 6 months ago I thought my life was over. Thanks to her though it isn't. I owe her everything. I love her so much.  How lucky can I be to have met the most amazing girl ever when I needed her most. She is my everything.