Today was a mixture of good and bad. I talked to her which is awesome.  I love hearing her voice. I was smiling the whole time we were on the phone. She just seems to have that effect on me. She is totally amazing like that. I am the luckiest guy alive to just have met her.
On the flip side, I saw some cuts Jess made last Friday.  I don't know how to handle this. I want to take her blades away and punish her but at the same time I know that won't do anything. It just tears me up inside every time I look at her. I try to be supportive and make sure she knows I love and care about her but it doesn't do anything. I have felt so fucking triggered ever since I saw them. I just want to take my blade out of my phone and rip open my arm like I never have before. I promised her I wouldn't tell anyone but I want to nip this in the bud before it gets to the point where she does it all the time. I'm almost 29 days clean and yeah I have wanted to cut every day since I started but not this bad. I just want that release. It feels like I need it. I won't because I am stronger than that but I want that feeling so fucking bad right now.