She sent me a picture of a ring. The only time girls have sent me that type of picture is when they are engaged,  going to be engaged, married, or to show me they can't have sex. I honestly didn't think that it might be her mother's ring. So I came off as a complete jerk. I can't seem to do anything right when it comes to her.
I promised her I wouldn't kill myself first last night. Thing is I don't know if I could handle not having her in this world. In fact I know I can't. I don't know what to do. She seems set on that date and it doesn't seem like I can do anything to stop her. I feel helpless because I know I can't do anything.  It's the worst feeling ever. I promised I wouldn't feel that way again but it's unavoidable.  I love her but I can't stop this amazing, beautiful, funny, strong, and smart girl from doing it. I only need $600 dollars to get there and back with $200 for misc expenses. I can't even get that much. Even after I am paid for the oddjobs I have done and will do it only comes out to around $300. I also have to spend about $100 to get my car where it needs to be for the 1600 mile trip. If I sold my car I might be able to pick up a bike for 4grand then pay the insurance and get my endorsement from the dmv. that would leave me with $1000. Only problem is my car is in my grandmother's name which fucks everything up. After getting the title switched I will only have around $400 and some change especially after buying helmets and stuff. And without my car I would have to pay for a place to stay on my way up there.
Basically if I am going up there it would be a one-way trip.