My dad died on Sunday.  I hardly knew the guy but for some reason it hit me pretty hard. I was always planning on heading to Virginia to meet him but I guess that's impossible now. We talked occasionally on Facebook but never met face to face. 
 
I couldn't stop from crying. It's the first time I have really cried since I dont know when. I can't show that kind of weakness around my family so I went for a drive. As I was on my way out the door my grandfather said "don't forget, we need you here" I don't know why but it pissed me off to hear him say that.  When his dad died I would never in a thousand years have thought to say something like that. I hadn't cut in a while because he was in the house and I was asked not to while he was there. 
I guess long story short I ended up sitting in my car in a parking lot cutting just to feel the intense calm that I had been longing for. I know it was a "bad" move but right now I don't care. I have to watch the girls tonight then I am on my own from Wednesday to Friday.  I plan on having a good time and drink in my emotions away and cutting as much as I want.
 
On a slightly similar not I texted one of my best and only friends wanting to talk about it but she is with her boyfriend whom she hasn't seen in a few weeks so I figured it best not to bother her with my bullshit problems.