damn
So, I decided not to take the job. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I am freaking out a bit now. What if nothing comes up again. What if this is as far as I get? What if I've cut myself out for ever?
On the one hand, my brain tells me I'm crazy. And regardless, I need to ask for what I want and not settle.
On the other hand --- I don't like disappointing people. And maybe they don't actually know I'm worth it. Oii.
Seriously - at times like this, it is obvious how much I lost myself over the past 10 years and what the separation has done to me...
Have others felt their confidence take a hit?
CA
On the one hand, my brain tells me I'm crazy. And regardless, I need to ask for what I want and not settle.
On the other hand --- I don't like disappointing people. And maybe they don't actually know I'm worth it. Oii.
Seriously - at times like this, it is obvious how much I lost myself over the past 10 years and what the separation has done to me...
Have others felt their confidence take a hit?
CA
Replies
have I felt my confidence take a hit?? only about 400%.. I think that\'s completely normal though, and to be expected in some degree. Being in a long term relationship has soo many different levels, and over time we give and take and work things into a natural system - that\'s called marriage - now take that away, and we\'re stuck finding how to do things alone again, not relying on someone else\'s opinions and advise, and that person to support us when we hit a snag.. going solo may have its freeing moments.. buts its not a piece of cake thats for sure :)
but you\'re doing so great, you just have to manage things a little differently, and I\'m sure you put a lot of thought into your decision, its been made. so stand by it, and know you\'re doing the best you can do.. :)
:) Thx. It is just tough sloughing. Day in and out
So awesome to have my DS cheerleaders!
Confidence taking a hit: check!! Big time!
Ok, stepping back (over the edge? hah!) for a minute.. I don\'t know any details but from prior journals of yours I got the impression that you had a fairly high-up job. No idea, of course, but maybe something equivalent to director or higher at a company.
At some point, you have to ask yourself: what is your goal with your job/career? Is it to always move ever-upward? Is there ever a point at which you would be content with how far you have climbed? Now maybe I\'m a slacker ;) . I\'m a mid-level manager and also individual contributor (player/coach as it were). But I don\'t have much desire to go any higher. I have a bit of responsibility and a reasonable overall workload, most of the time. I get paid fairly well. I don\'t want more work, more responsibility - and I don\'t need more income.
Your situation may be totally different. I only write this to suggest that you focus on the really important things, and don\'t treat a career as something where you *must* always aspire to move higher. Sometimes it really isn\'t worth it in terms of work/life balance.
If your gut feeling was that the new position wasn\'t right for you, that may be the best decision you\'ve made in a while! :)
Best wishes!
Thx Stepping. I don\'t trust my gut at all these days wrt myself.
Yes, my job has always been important to me. Not so much the level (although I don\'t deny I like being the boss). It is about opportunity and getting to do interesting things for the public good. I\'m had spent 14 years in our Central Bank before getting a crazy idea I needed to try something new. I left to do that, but have an option to go back. So, one the one hand, I am fussing for nothing - I can go back. But, I do worry about advancing. And yes, maybe that should not matter as much as it does. But, besides my kids, not much else to focus on.
Sigh. I need some outside interests. But frankly is too much effort...
Confidence taking a hit I think is the main symptom in all of our scenarios. It doesn\'t matter how better if we are or if our exs did us a favor by leaving or cheating, it still knocks us down and it\'s hard to fully trust our instincts now. I second guess myself a lot because I feel like if I was so intuitive and so right all the time I would have come to the conclusion that my stbx is an ass on my own. It wouldn\'t have taken him leaving for OW to make me see that. If it felt right to you to decline the job, then own that decision regardless of where it takes you. Because even if you struggle for a period of time that struggle is some how meant to be. You have so much going for you. See where this takes you next. I bet your instincts were dead on.
Thx BrokeN!