4-5

It has been 3 days since I wrote but i have had good days and bad days.  the moments come and go.  I felt like I was doing good then she would come back some how and mess with my head.  I have made progress i think this week.  I moved all the stuff in my name and i threw out alot of the stuff that i can't look at i have begun to sell things that I can't use anymore or dont want to look at.  becuase it has been hard.  i've gone thru and alot of the stuff i bought her I threw it out.  it was great to do it.  it hurt but it was helpful.  i'm finding out more about her that I can't change what she has become and i wish i could but i can't.  I wish I could heal as fast as i want to.  i hate hurting over her.  and the ptsd has been rough too. i'm alone in my house and i will hear fireworks or something and i just start drinking and it is getting bad.  i'm trying to function in the real world and i'm struggling in that department. i hate who i am and what i'm becoming