We had a gathering tonight of friends and family in memory of my father. It was at the church he went to and my mother and brother put together a collage of photos of my dad. It was really nice and a lot of people showed up. I can't count how many people said to me that if I need anything, anything at all to just call. I believed them but in my heart I know I will never call even if I do need something or just someone to talk to. Thats not my way. I don't open up to the people around me. I just keep it inside and let it eat me up and cause me anguish and when it gets real bad I get so overwhelmed with emotions that I cut to help release the built up emotions. I haven't thought about cutting in a while and in the past few weeks I can't stop thinking about it. Why is it so hard for me to reach out and ask for help? Whats wrong with me?
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It\'s hard to be our true selves in front of others. Humans feel the need to masquerade in front of a crowd; some even have no other choice but to do exactly that at work.
FINE = Fidgety, Insecure, Neurotic and Edgy.
Oh Pagan, I\'m so very sorry for your loss. It can be really hard to reach out for help. That\'s why it\'s nice to have medical/social worker/therapist etc. professionals we can count on. Build a support system with. They teach us how to ask for help when we need it. The last time I was seriously depressed, my husband was angry with himself for not recognizing it when I wasn\'t asking for help. I need to learn, too. It\'s not an easy thing. My heart is with you. Big, gentle hugs.
I can\'t reach out either. I feel like 1. I would be a burden and 2. It would make me feel weak that I can\'t handle it myself. Both of those thoughts are WRONG.
People volunteer their help because they want to.
Try reaching out to just one. See how it feels.
pagan ((hugs)) i don\'t think there\'s anything wrong with you - i just hope you won\'t get down on yourself during this time of mourning for your dad - there\'s no right way or wrong way - i wish i could know what to say to lift your sense of burden right now...I know i try to be responsible for my emotions - maybe keeping it all inside is the safest way you can feel to deal with it because reaching out means you have to deal with other imperfect human beings - we\'re all imperfect and acknowledging this - as woody allen once said - he still reaches out because \"he needs the eggs\" - i don\'t if that makes sense. peace to you friend and condolences.
Thinking of you pagan. Try not to be hard on yourself....what you are dealing with is so, so hard. Have you been in touch with your therapist? I think it\'s a great time to reach out to your team and explain these feelings....it\'s hard to ask for help but I do think people genuinely care and WANT to be there for you. Sending (((((hugs))))))