I often wonder if on some level I don't want to feel good or maybe more accurately, I feel I don't deserve to feel good. Am I such a horrible person? Do I think Im a horrible person? I don't think I feel that way about myself so why is it such a struggle to try and feel better? The first two times I was hospitalized I felt better when I left the hospital. This last time was different. I felt better because I wasn't suicidal but the melancholy was still there. Still is. I have thoughts I don't want to be having and feelings I find unbearable. Im going right back to where I was before going into the hospital, I can feel it. I feel like Im starting to give up trying to feel better. Why bother? It only lasts a short while then its back to the darkness.
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Oh Pagan. You are cared about - and your struggle is OUR struggle.
I think a lot of us may struggle with the feeling of worthiness. You are worthy, I am worthy. You have made me feel cared about - and I hope I might have made you feel cared about? It\'s the complex that our mind puts on us to make us think in black and white terms. The fight of daily life is ours to have either if it\'s a subtle of big way. I hope. please reach out if you have a need. Peace, M
I am here if you need man!
I\'ve wondered that about myself before. Seriously questioned if I was keeping myself from feeling better. That\'s scary, and SO hard to talk about, or to figure out IF you can talk about....if you can admit it to anyone. But, at least based on my very recent experience, that\'s another one of depression\'s lies. It\'s a wiley little bastard! It may be true that you think you don\'t deserve to feel good, I know that one too, but you do. And in my opinion, the fact that you\'re questioning these thoughts shows that deep down your brain knows they\'re not true. I sincerely hope that you are not headed right back down that dark, dark path. Keep hanging in there, ok? (((hugs)))