Had another "episode" yesterday. Thats the only way I can describe it. Im ok and then all of a sudden Im not and its no fucking fun. Starting to think I should just keep it to myself. Talking about it helps but I hate making people worry about me. They have their own problems they don't have to worry about me. Most of my life I have just kept it to myself……my inner struggles, my inner pain. Whenever I did open up the people around me just didn't know what to say or how to handle me. I don't blame them, how could they understand, but it just made me keep it all to myself. There are people in my life that care about me and I am grateful for it but I feel like I can never truly open up to them and when I do I only cause them worry and pain. Don't really know were Im going with this, just felt like getting some stuff off my chest and out of my mind.
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I\'m so glad that you made it through your episode. I can relate to this so much, Pagan. When I get like that, it\'s usually very very agitated and then I just flip and go into a complete rage. I agree, it\'s no fucking fun at all. You shouldn\'t keep it to yourself though, that\'s why you\'re here, so that you can talk about that stuff with us. What I\'ve found is, people don\'t fully understand something unless they\'ve been through it then selves, but they can choose to start to understand by being compassionate and educate themselves. Mental illness is like having a cold, in the sense that you need support and compassion, which some who don\'t know mental illness too well, don\'t understand. And I can relate to the not wanting to make people worry, especially in RL. But I\'m glad that you\'re here Pagan, hang in there.
we are so alike in that respect Pagan...keeping everything inside so as not to worry others.... I\'m not sure it does either of us any good as we don\'t get the help we need... I tried reaching out last night and whilst it was exceptionally painful and hard you guys literally kept me alive so I thank you for that
other people either care and just don\'t know what to say... or they are fighting their own inner demons and don\'t have much to give.... it\'s vulnerable asking for help in case we are rejected... but you\'ve made some good friends on here and I don\'t for one minute think any of us would judge nor reject you... but again I do fully understand where you are coming from
let others worry for you... that\'s what friends are for xx
There is room for you in my thoughts.While I do not understand rage episodes, it\'s true, I do understand anguish and how painful hiding that from others can be. Ideally, therapy is where I have let some of that out because I do not tell friends and family. They just know I have depression and anxiety. As ruby said, you have friends here of varying intimacy. Keep writing if it helps decompress or....
Big hug for you sweetie... I\'ve found as well that it\'s important who we share information with... Sometimes we can feel worse when we share with someone who\'s clueless about the disorder.
If you believe a person wants to learn more there is a ton of info on the net on bipolar and then you can have an educated conversation... If your loved ones don\'t seem to want to know a lot...(my family pretended it didn\'t exist) I think places like DS or support groups are the best place to share and feel supported...xo
we\'re here for you Pagan!
Pagan, we were cut from the same cloth or something... seriously.
Aside from that, please do not feel bad about reaching out here, THAT\'S WHAT THIS PLACE IS FOR!! I don\'t feel burdened by you, and as spacepony said, I have room for you in my thoughts.
Most people aren\'t sure what to do with us, esp when we are down, and how can they? That\'s why we have each other ;)
You always have us! We\'ll be understanding. I come here to vent when I am upset and have nobody to talk to.