Home now…..I feel better when Im home, away from the outside world. I walk in the door and as always Edgar is there to greet me…I love that little monster. The world seems so hard to handle right now. Even at home my problems persist because they are internal. I can't run away from them. If I could chop my head off temporarily I think I would…I mean its in there that all this fucked up chemistry is happening…..wires crossed and such. So thats not an option at this moment so my problems follow me home. Its hard enough keeping it together at home without the stress of the outside world. Its a double edged sword really….the outside world serves as a distraction but it adds to the stress. How messed up. I started talking to a co-worked the other day about self harm. It happened out of the blue. Not really sure why but I found myself telling him about my most recent struggles with cutting and how its been going on since my teens. I still cant believe I opened up about it…still not sure how I feel about it. I don't openly talk about SI accept with my therapist, psychiatrist and you folks here on DS. I think its just an indicator of how hurting I am right now.
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I get so much of this: not being able to escape, the damn problems literally in your head, the outside world being so friggin\' hard to handle, saying things you normally wouldn\'t. For me that\'s also an indicator of how hard things are right now.
I\'m with you. ((Hugs))
what I thought about when I read this Pagan is the idea of transitions. You come home from the distraction of the outside world and have to transition to the alone time.. That kind of thing can be difficult - we have different stressors in each place. I go through it too and have to allow me some flex period to \'get into\' what I do at home from what I am doing in the outside world.. but I know it\'s not only about being comfortable. I hope you can find your way. Peace, Mark
It looks like we are on the same or at least similar pages in this fucked up bipolar book and you know whatI can\'t wait for a better chapter to come along.
my support worker asked what she could do to help and I said a lobotomy.... she laughed... I was genuinely serious..... i wish we had on / off button..... to stop the bloody thought just for 5 mins to get some respite from them
and I\'m torn too.... outside is a distraction but that comes with many caveats.... dealing with others being the most important one... and when angry and wanting to lash out not the best ideal..... and then isolating at home...... looking at those 4 walls.. don\'t know about you but without DS I\'d be a fruit loop
I believe we tell the right people the right things at the right times... and perhaps this is what happened with this chap you spoke with about the SI?
we get stuck on the same page.....and reading the same chapter over and over again...... we need to stick together and open this huge fucking book that is bipolar and get to the next chapter... maybe we can\'t do it on our own but with the strength of a few of us it just might happen xx
I believe that even with DS Im a damn fruit loophahaha. Who knows what I would be without it..probably dead actually. Your right, it probably was the right time to talk to someone and trust someone about SI. Strength in numberswe can turn to the next chapter in this big fucking book of bipolar.