Its getting harder and harder to put on the "happy" face for all the world to see. Im not a happy person these days. Im spiraling down. The new med doesn't seem like its going to help. My moods are mixed and its so fucking frustrating. One minute I want to punch someone the next minute I feel like Im going to cry. The self destructive thoughts persist. I don't feel like a very nice person right now. I hope I don't piss off anybody I care about. Sometimes I feel like I should just lock myself inside and cut off all contact with the human race until this passes…..if it passes. At least that way I don't have to worry about hurting someone close to me and I don't have to subject them to my instability. Who knows which one of me they are going to get these days. Work is getting harder and harder to deal with. I find that Im caring less about personal hygiene and my house is going to shit. Im fucking falling apart and it makes me so angry and sad all at once. Im trying to focus on the few things in my life that are good but they feel like they are slipping away as I get dragged further down this hole Im in.
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((hugs))
Thanks, I could use one of those right now.
{{Hugs}}
Much appreciated! Thanks so much!
I am really sorry you are going through this Pagan. I wish I had the answers for you. I did think about the intensity of your journal thinking that just from a general view point - do you think that the HOLIDAY may be intensifying your mood? Just a thought - I know I have felt really up and down here today.
I have another thought that I am just starting to think about too. It seems like I sometimes build myself up - spending time working on getting better only to self destruct in the end - come crashing down after word. I feel like I have sensed this in others - and it can be hard to take or even accept.
Anyways - I hope you can meditate and try and find some middle ground for yourself - Peace man! and Happy Thanksgiving!! Mark
Thanks Mark, the holiday season is definitely intensifying my mood. Its making it much worse unfortunately.
Pagan I don\'t want to make light of this but are you in my head? I am in the complete same headspace of the desire to lock myself away to keep myself and others safe.... it sounds like you are in a mixed state my friend and I don\'t know which med you have been trying so I don\'t know if it can have the side effect of causing such a state but it\'s been a while now and it doesn\'t seem to be helping at all...... it\'s horrible to see you in such torture.... you see your shrink Dec 4th? if it\'s later than that then I can only advise you call and get in to see them asap bcs feeling this way just isn\'t right... it\'s intolerable and any of us only have so much tolerance .. you have been hanging on and hanging on... and doing remarkably well in many respects.... but this isn\'t working out well my friend..... get the proffesionals involved.... a med tweak... something..... to hold onto so you don\'t slip any further down into that pit
((((hugs)))) x
Thats really interesting that we are in the same headspace as you put it. Its not a very good place to be of coarse but at least Im not alone although I wish you were in a better place. Latuda is the new med and it doesn\'t seem like its doing shit. My next psychiatrist visit isn\'t far away and Im just trying to hold on til then. Thanks for the support Ruby.
I understand the desire to lock yourself away to protect your friends and family. Maybe its a good thing to do until you feel better. Its a miracle you are able to pull yourself together enough to go to work. Well done! Sounds like you have to force yourself to wash for work. Maybe allow yourself to let your house go for the time being until you are out of this slump. Don\'t beat yourself up, you are unwell. Give yourself permission to take care of yourself and do nice things to you. Glad you have a pdoc appt soon. HUGS