3-30

so last night was the first night i got out of the house since my wife left.  it was werid becuse it was to see kevin smith and jason mews.  it was supposed to be her birthday present she was a recovering drug addict and it ment alot to her to see jason mews becuase he has been clean for a while.  and i went with one of her freinds well my friend they arent speaking after what happen.  the transition from being her husband to being me again has been hard.  lsat night was the first night i didn't wake up at 230am i slept thru the night and had no dreams about her that i can remember.  so baby steps.  it's not easy because everything i do in the morning i think of her and when i leave my house to go to treatments and i have to drive down my street i think of things like what we had planed for the future.  it's extremly hard. with all of the stuff coming up sat is her birthday and we should be together to celebrate but she is with someone else.  it hurts becuase i didn't ask for this i wanted to be with her.  and i'm learning alot that i had no idea about going into this relationship.  i just didn't think about thinkgs the way i should have to protect my self.  i have never dated/married a drug/recovering drucg addict and there are things to look for and i never knew what they where and it's to late now.