oh my...
oh my, oh my..can we say DRAMA!?! I am emotionally overwhelmed, just reeling. I have been doing so well post-surgery but the environment in my home has been toxic and that has been taking a toll.
In short, the sister who came to help me out post surgery has packed up and gone home. I was sad to see her go because she was an EXCELLENT caretaker. I cannot sing her praises enough, she went way beyond anything I could even think to expect. She waited on me hand and foot, she took care of my household, my child, my pets, she was with me at the hospital every day. She traveled 160miles to be with me and she knocked it out of the park.
But her departure was a relief. Unfortunately she comes with a lot of emotional baggage and it was just draining me. Things started to sour early in the week, she got upset with me and each day the negative emotional energy just wore on my nerves more and more. I'm in a bpd upswing which means I'm not sleeping an awful lot (did I mention the day I woke at 2:30am and did not catch a wink till 12:30 the following morning?!? yup 22hours of wired and I'm bed-bound, not fun), so I was just an exhausted mess, strung out, stressed and unable to rest.
Things came to a head on Thursday. Issue had nothing to do with me but I and my other sisters got drawn into it. She had a total meltdown. She expected us to side with her against the other person and we did not so now she is mad at all of us. She says we have abandoned and betrayed her and.... sigh!
Yesterday I was (for the first time post-op) back in the CFS zone. I hurt top to toe, was popping pain pills and it barely shook the pain. This was not surgery pain, this was straight up stress induced, nerves firing non-stop torture. Yesterday was not a good day. I knew my sister was going off the deep end but I was in emotional overload and could not help her. She saw this as another betrayal. In fact she says she was this close to committing suicide in my home (and I believe her).
Today (Sat) she just packed up and left. I'm still reeling from the emotional upheaval, I did not try to stop her. I woke up to find a voicenote waiting from my sister. Boy did she let me have it, bringing up stuff from as far back as 15 years ago. WOW!
I'd like to go to sleep now, if my brain will stop spinning and calm down enough for sleep. I think it will be a while...
I went into an upcycle 2 weeks before surgery which gave me the energy to prepare for surgery and I sailed through the process. I had a setback earlier this week with a bruise which just showed up out of nowhere so I have to do another post-op. But it seems to be clearing up. My only issue now is the stress of this whole situation.
So, now I am alone with a 13yr old. I cant cook or clean or do the day to day stuff. I need to hire a caregiver fast.
I pause here to state my gratitude.. to my sister for giving what she was able to. To my God for having this entire situation in his hands, I trust it will be OK.
Nite, nite DS friends.
In short, the sister who came to help me out post surgery has packed up and gone home. I was sad to see her go because she was an EXCELLENT caretaker. I cannot sing her praises enough, she went way beyond anything I could even think to expect. She waited on me hand and foot, she took care of my household, my child, my pets, she was with me at the hospital every day. She traveled 160miles to be with me and she knocked it out of the park.
But her departure was a relief. Unfortunately she comes with a lot of emotional baggage and it was just draining me. Things started to sour early in the week, she got upset with me and each day the negative emotional energy just wore on my nerves more and more. I'm in a bpd upswing which means I'm not sleeping an awful lot (did I mention the day I woke at 2:30am and did not catch a wink till 12:30 the following morning?!? yup 22hours of wired and I'm bed-bound, not fun), so I was just an exhausted mess, strung out, stressed and unable to rest.
Things came to a head on Thursday. Issue had nothing to do with me but I and my other sisters got drawn into it. She had a total meltdown. She expected us to side with her against the other person and we did not so now she is mad at all of us. She says we have abandoned and betrayed her and.... sigh!
Yesterday I was (for the first time post-op) back in the CFS zone. I hurt top to toe, was popping pain pills and it barely shook the pain. This was not surgery pain, this was straight up stress induced, nerves firing non-stop torture. Yesterday was not a good day. I knew my sister was going off the deep end but I was in emotional overload and could not help her. She saw this as another betrayal. In fact she says she was this close to committing suicide in my home (and I believe her).
Today (Sat) she just packed up and left. I'm still reeling from the emotional upheaval, I did not try to stop her. I woke up to find a voicenote waiting from my sister. Boy did she let me have it, bringing up stuff from as far back as 15 years ago. WOW!
I'd like to go to sleep now, if my brain will stop spinning and calm down enough for sleep. I think it will be a while...
I went into an upcycle 2 weeks before surgery which gave me the energy to prepare for surgery and I sailed through the process. I had a setback earlier this week with a bruise which just showed up out of nowhere so I have to do another post-op. But it seems to be clearing up. My only issue now is the stress of this whole situation.
So, now I am alone with a 13yr old. I cant cook or clean or do the day to day stuff. I need to hire a caregiver fast.
I pause here to state my gratitude.. to my sister for giving what she was able to. To my God for having this entire situation in his hands, I trust it will be OK.
Nite, nite DS friends.
Replies
OH GOOD GRIEF! This is the last thing you need right now, Max. I\'m so sorry your sister left. I totally know what it\'s like to lose your caregiver. Especially a family member that has really been a big help....and now...nobody! UGH!!! I\'m thinking that maybe you can talk to a church member?? Pastor?? See what kind of help is available to you! People can surprise you sometimes!
Sorry that there was all this emotional upheaval in your home when you were trying so hard to have peace to heal. Family dynamics get pretty snarly sometimes, and this was just a bad time to have a \"sister thing\" going on.
I do hope you are able to get some healing rest. And that you BPD will allow for that. I pray that you are doing better outside of the emotional turmoil.
Praying that things calm down. God is in control...you put him there! xoxo
You take care of Max.
Your sister\'s baggage isn\'t yours.
May you be pleasantly surprised at what your son can and will do! I\'ve got a good feelin\' \'bout that boy!
May God bless you and heal you FAST!!!
praying for you Max.................not feeling too zippy, but wanted to give you some fresh hugs, leave a big shawl of understanding for you to wrap around your shoulders...............think about that other mess later and then only if you must.........old issues are like living today with a trunk full of 15 year old hurts. tell your sister as gently as possible if you want to that is.....tell her to take out the old junk from her trunk so she can live more in the present.
when we start living in the present we get lighter from the inside out..........a lighter spirit, a brighter countenance.........nobody wants nobody to end a life......life is very very precious. today i listened to a man talking.......he has talked almost 200 people out of jumping off of the Golden Gate Bridge........some talks were as short as 20 minutes and some as long as 8 hours.........when darkness overtakes the spirit it can be very scary and lonely.........there is no disagreement that costs the life of another family member......of anyone. night angel ......keep resting, hope you can find an area kind person to come in and help ya\'ll........cause your job is to HEAL. xoxo