Tired
Today is a tired day. I have a proposal to write but my brain cant focus, vision is blurry too so even reading a magazine is difficult.
Not unexpected. Its start of a financial year and i'm all caught up in strategic plans and budgets. Of course the targets are unrealistic..i pushed back but at the same time i welcome the challenge. So its been long meetingsand heavy number crunching and client visits. I kinda figured i was pushing too hard last week.
The exhaustion hit yesterday but i really wanted to make a meal and hang out with my son. Also spent a few hours in my unfinished living room just remembering what it felt like to dream .. funny how quickly the walls of a box can close around you. Since moving my room, i now have ensuite kitchen bathroom and verandah. I have rarely beenin the main kitchen/living room area since.. Havent even been to my favorite spot on the patio, watching the birds fly by .. It was like rediscovering my home all over again.
Today I have to stay close to my bed. Not crashing, but i'm in pain and just so, soo tired.
Been watching canary in coalmine videos.. Reminds me how serious a battle we are fighting. Reminds me too to be thankful for the level of function which i currently enjoy. Putting it out there .. 3.5 years till my baby completes high school. Will i be well enough then to prepare for retirement? Who knows .. One day at a time...
Not unexpected. Its start of a financial year and i'm all caught up in strategic plans and budgets. Of course the targets are unrealistic..i pushed back but at the same time i welcome the challenge. So its been long meetingsand heavy number crunching and client visits. I kinda figured i was pushing too hard last week.
The exhaustion hit yesterday but i really wanted to make a meal and hang out with my son. Also spent a few hours in my unfinished living room just remembering what it felt like to dream .. funny how quickly the walls of a box can close around you. Since moving my room, i now have ensuite kitchen bathroom and verandah. I have rarely beenin the main kitchen/living room area since.. Havent even been to my favorite spot on the patio, watching the birds fly by .. It was like rediscovering my home all over again.
Today I have to stay close to my bed. Not crashing, but i'm in pain and just so, soo tired.
Been watching canary in coalmine videos.. Reminds me how serious a battle we are fighting. Reminds me too to be thankful for the level of function which i currently enjoy. Putting it out there .. 3.5 years till my baby completes high school. Will i be well enough then to prepare for retirement? Who knows .. One day at a time...
Replies
you sound very contemplative......managing, organizing......appreciating.......looking to today by resting.....looking to the future for your child and yourself.........i tend to think one day at a time, six months from now.....one year from now, five years from now and yes ten years ahead too.
as a general guideline. so that i have general plans overall.......so i have a hold on what is needed and what is desired........for every phase and everyone concerned........
i am late to rise today, it\'s foggy, just after a heavy thunderstorm lasting all through last night and most of the day..........praying for you as you continue to rest and reflect......soft hugs in care of your life........xoxo
You are still young enough to stretch your dreams for a little longer.As they say in Australia\"No worries mate\"You still have your house, your son is gradually getting through school, you are still working, even though it\'s a battle, you are still holding the fort together.Give yourself a pat on the back and say\"Well done\" Allow yourself to take as much time out as you need.No rush, all cool, heaps of time.Love and hugs.
Max, you are doing a super job being a mom....a working mom at that, with this horrific disease. I applaud you. You must be exhausted! I know that personally, heavy duty thinking and number projects and checkbook balancing and such can weigh me down more than a long walk or a couple flights of stairs.
I read your post on ironies of CFS on the boards. Very well put. I wish my brain would engage so I could have added more to it. But that\'s the disease in full bloom. I have the knowledge and the ability, but I have NO POWER, not strength to call up words when I need them.
I so understand your thoughts about the future. My biggest worry would be to lose my husband. He is my best friends and my caretaker. I\'m always planning in my mind what I would do if I lost him. Silly eh? Nobody has the answers to these things. But with an illness that lays you out flat like this one, you have to think ahead.
Don\'t worry. You\'re holding up well. Rest now. Know that your friends are all behind you! xoxo