I almost caved....I lost it.... I had such an amazing day and my night has just been plumitting to the ground.. I'm trying to be okay, I'm trying to stay strong, but all I can think about is alcohol...it's so bad I've shut myself in my bedroom to get away from it... My bipolar disorder is starting to cause issues in my day to day life... I'm overreacting to absolutely nothing and I can't control it... it's so extremely frustrating... and I know it's not easy on Jess either.... She's so good about it, she helps me so much, but there are days when she's busy, and she comes off as cold and heartless (to my bipolar self), normally it wuldn't bother me, and especially because she always assures me nothing is wrong and she does love me & isn't trying to be distant...she assures me of her love for me which is really what I need...but my disorder blocks me from reacting reasonably... I got angry... I slammed my phone down and wanted to hrow it across the room...that's not me...I'm the person that thinks and responds rationally....and I got upset about my reaction.... then my laptop died on me, completely, not just battery...it fully doesn't work anymore... I knew it was innevitable, thus I backed up my pictures onto a usb key...but still... it just added to the spiral and the next thing I knew I was in the kitchen with an open bottle of fireball whiskey in my hand... I didn't drink...but I want to more than anything....hence shutting myself in....