Well, I made it through Thanksgiving.  i ended up cooking and had my son, his friend, my brother in law and my  mom here.  Then all three of my nephews showed up after dinner and it was so great to see them.  It was a tough day though.  I broke down so many times and was thankful to have everyone here to help me through.  I thought of Gene every minute of the day.  He used to be so helpful in the kitchen and each time I would do something I'd think about how he would have been doing it with me.  I don't know how I'm going to make it through this holiday season.  I feel like I'm walking through blackness and I have this huge emptiness in my soul.  I thought I was doing okay, but yesterday has just brought back all the raw pain I felt in the beginning of this process.  Today I don't want to go on, but I will.  Who knows what tomorrow will  bring.  One day, one step at a time.