It's been raining here for days now and the gloom doesn't help my mood much at all.  I'm missing Gene a lot this morning.  I keep a stack of pictures of him in the drawer next to my bed.  When I feel strong enough I pull them out.  This morning I'm not feeling so strong.  I've got company coming today.  Some of my husbands race buddies are going to help me go through some of the stuff in the garage.  Tomorrow night is dinner with the kids.  I'm going to make pasta with sausage and meatballs.  Tuesday night is grief counseling, so I'll be busy for the next couple of days.  And I've still got that stack of wood in the driveway to deal with.  Hope it stops raining soon so I can get it all moved.  My mother fell last night and I had to go over and call 911 to get someone to come out and get her up.  She has limited use of her legs and I just can't lift her.  The firemen came out and got her back in to her scooter.  I was going to take myself to dinner last night but I didn't get back until late so I decided I'll do it next weekend.   Oh Gene, do you know how much I miss you?  Do you know how much I love you?  My life will never be the same again without you here.  I'm doing the best I can but just the thought of you brings tears flowing and my heart breaks all over again. The kids have been great in helping me through.  They all miss you too, especially Danny, believe it or not.  He looked up to you and you were his inspiration for becoming a mechanic.  Paul is doing so well, but like me, he has his moments.  You will stay in our hearts forever.