I made it through another week without Gene. How I'm doing this I'll never know. I've had my moments this week. The pain is not as raw but goes deeper in my soul than before. The tears still fall but not as often. For all the tears I've cried, and those yet to come, I think I could fill up a lake. I'm facing another "first", my birthday. I'm already feeling sad and it isn't until Monday. My mother wants to take me to dinner tomorrow night and I just don't know if I'll be up for it. Monday night my girlfriend and the kids are cooking for me. I just want to ignore my birthday this year. The pain of not having Gene here is just to overwhelming to bear. That goes for the holidays too. I just can't handle it all. It takes all my strength and will just to get through the everyday things. I've been trying to keep busy outside after realizing I'm not ready to deal with cleaning up Gene's things. It's so much easier to be outside and not feel so lonely and sad in the house all by myself. It's looking overcast here this morning but hopefully it won't rain. I'd like to get out for a little while and maybe clean the gutters on the garage.