I'm glad to have the day off, but the house is so empty and quiet it makes me sad.  I still cry every morning and don't know when this will ever stop.  Thankfully the kids will all be here later today for a cookout. I've got a ton of food so they won't go hungry and they make me laugh which I can always look forward to.   I had asked my friend to help me go through some of Gene's clothes and get rid of them but changed my mind before she left.  I'm just not ready to deal with it yet.  I still feel guilty about throwing away the clothes the hospital sent home even though they were cut to shreds and of no use to anyone.  It's as if I'm giving him away.  I know that's not realistic, but it's how it feels right now.  I suppose the time will come when I'm ready, but that's not today.