Had a really bad day today.  When I wasn't sleeping, I was crying and thinking how I'd give my life if Gene could have his back.  He was so much stronger than I am and I believe he'd be handling all this a lot better than I am.  The only thing that kept me going today was my son.  I talked with him on the phone for a while and told him how lucky I was to have him as my son, then he told me how lucky he was to have me as his mom.  I love that boy so much and it just made me realize how much he still needs me.  I try to be there for him and he for me.  He had a bad day yesterday thinking about his dad.  I know that it will get easier one day for both of us, but right now it's the two of us holding each other up most of the time.   I went on an interview on Wednesday with a local attorney.  I knew going in that he couldn't afford to pay the salary I need, but it was nice to get some interest on my resume and chat with him about some of the people we know in common.  I used to be a legal assistant a few year's ago and down here it's a pretty small community, so everyone knows everyone else.  I really want to get back into the legal field, but there are few jobs available right now.  My friend told me yesterday I need something new in my life--a hobby, a job, anything to pull me out of this funk I'm in.  Maybe I'll look into some volunteer opportunities or join the local gym.  God knows I could use the work outs and I know exercise is good for the soul too.  What I really need to do is get my yoga video out and start doing it again.  It's so relaxing and gives my mind the time it needs to focus on something other than my grief.  So, that's my goal for the weekend.  Get back to my yoga.