I live my life moment by moment these days.  Looking any further ahead than that brings on feelings of dread and sadness.  Living these past months without Gene has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  I still miss him every moment of every day but the pain isn't as raw and the bad days seem to be getting farther apart each week.  My life will never be the same again.  I know that this sadness will carry with me the rest of my life.  But I also now at least have hope for the future, I just need to find my way back to some semblance of a normal life.  That's going to take more time. I've been keeping busy.  Yesterday I mowed the front lawn, weeded the garden and painted the front step to the house.  Today I was planning on painting the patio out back but it's looking like it might rain.  I really need to face the family room downstairs.  It still looks exactly the same as it did when Gene died.  I walked down there the other day and the only difference is there are a few dozen cobwebs.  I was joking that I could just leave it that way til halloween and the room would have natural decorations (LOL)!  Maybe I'll try to get some cleaning done down there today.  One moment at a time. Work is still pretty boring and the time goes by so slowly some days I find myself watching the clock just waiting to leave.  If it doesn't pick up soon I'm going to go absolutely crazy.