I've made it through another week of work.  Somedays I don't know how I even get there, though.  Yesterday was the first day in over 4 months that I didn't cry.  I even managed to talk about Gene without the tears flowing.  I've been keeping myself rather busy around the house.  Today I'm going to finish painting the foundation of the house and the grass grows like crazy so I've been mowing it twice a week.  It's also a good reason to break out a nice cold Corona! My really bad days seem to be getting farther apart.  Not that it's easy yet, but I must say that grief counseling has helped me alot.  The past week was hard but each day I make it through gives me hope that there is a light at the end of this tunnel of grief.  There's still so much to go through, I know that.  I'm no where near healed yet, but I feel the healing process has begun.  That says a lot compared to where I've been the last 4 months.  I still miss Gene every minute of every day, but it just doesn't hurt as much as it did.      

Replies

Christine26
Christine26

Hi Fallen, I am so sorry for your loss of Gene. You sound like you are trying to keep it together shich is difficult to do I know. I miss my Robert, but I am like you trying to keep busy. Work takes a big chunk out of of my life. And I am trying to do projects around the home. I am glad you are starting to see the light, I feel as if I am seeing a little light as well though when I start to think of Robert and what he went through I just feel so bad. I hope you continue to feel better and have a good week. Christine
deleted_user
deleted_user

Hi Carol - I\'m glad you\'ve had some good days. That four month mark is rolling around for me in the near future, and I am amazed at how far I\'ve come. I know I\'m not through the woods yet, and won\'t be for a long time, but just having those good days now & then keeps me going. Hang in there...I\'m right there with ya! Love, Judy
JudiB
JudiB

Carol, it\'s so good to hear that you\'ve had some better days lately. What you\'re keeping busy with by doing things around the house outside is exactly what I was doing last year around the same time after I lost my husband. It really helped me, kept me going and my mind occupied. Because alot of what I was doing we had always done together kept me constantly reminded that I was now doing them alone instead of with him so kept him front and center in my mind at all times. But somehow it helped. I even used to tell myself that I was trying to make him proud by learning how to do them alone now, something I would have never pictured myself doing.

I\'m so pleased to see you feeling better and proud of you for recognizing the fact that it\'s not yet over. Just know that when the bad days come along (and they will...still) that you now have something to look back on and say to yourself that I\'ve been here before and made it through and just because I\'m having a bad day does not mean that I can\'t get through it again. Use the past 4 months to show yourself that you are a strong person and that you will survive this. I haven\'t known you long but I\'ve seen enough so far to know you will make it. Just don\'t be afraid to ask for help, don\'t be afraid to need someone, don\'t be afraid to admit that it\'s okay to have someone to lean on through it all.
You are going to miss Gene for a very, very long time and I\'d venture to say forever as I feel the same way about my husband. I just know he\'s smiling down on you and watching your progress with a loving \"thumbs up\"! Hugs, Judi
deleted_user
deleted_user

I found your journal entry so uplifting. You are really working hard to get through the days in a meaningful way and can be proud of yourself. I too am trying to keep busy but feel really tired still.
So well done Carol and I am sure that Gene is looking down with love and pride at his wonderful wife.
Love to you
Margaret
lindalun
lindalun

I am glad that you have gotten to this point. My husband has been gone for 3 weeks only and I am at the lowest point. I cry everyday and I miss him more and more as time goes by. He was my everything and life seems so unfair without him. My kids tell me that I need to keep myself busy so that my mind keeps occupied otherwise I will be going into a depression. I promise them that I will but I don\'t have the energy as yet. I love him and miss him so much. Take care and a hug from Linda