It's been four months, will I ever stop crying every morning upon waking? I'm holding it back as I write determined to get through one day without the tears. People tell me I'm moving forward, but I still feel like I'm standing still. I go through the motions of my day. I have a really hard time concentrating on my work. Some tasks are still too overwhelming to think about. I haven't done anything about Gene's retirement plans yet. I washed all his clothes but they sit in a pile on the table in our bedroom. I don't go downstairs much. Not a thing has changed there since Gene died. That was his room. He'd go down there when he got home from work and when he just wanted to relax and watch TV. His winter coats still hang on the rack and his shoes still sit by the door. I've been in a bad place for over a week now. I just can't seem to shake it.
Replies
Hi Carol,
I wish I could say anything to make you feel better, but unfortunately, I find myself in the same place you are. I just cannot get rid of Rich\'s clothes, they still mean too much to me. I haven\'t changed much of anything including his desk and computer. They still sit as though they are waiting for him to come home and use them. I know it all gives me some comfort, so I refuse to rush and change anything.
It\'s nearly five months, but the pain has increased. I still believe that those first few months, we are in such shock, especially because both of ours were so sudden, and now the reality and grief have to surface.
Please know I am with you every day and in every way. My love to you always, Mo
Hi I\'m Christine and I am so sorry you are having such a hard time.Each person grieves differently and in their own time. I have my days where aI am okay and days that are bad. I find though I do not have patience like I used to and have to watch that I am not too short with people.I pray that you will feel a little better soon. Take baby steps and go at your own pace. You know Gene would not want you to be so sad. May peace be with you. Christine
Hi Carol!
I agree with Mo and Christine. You do exactly what you need to do and if you have to cry or if you want to keep things as they were then that\'s fine. Gene is still there I am sure, watching over you and he still loves you, so you grieve for him anyway that seems natural to you.
I can\'t concentrate at all and am losing stuff all the time. Our poor brains are having to cope with such changes that I think they shut off to protect us.
I hope that this week may be better for you and send you lots of love and hugs
Margaret
Carol, Give yourself time. It\'s still very early in your travel through grief. If you can envision your grief as a tunnel that you have to walk through it may help you understand. You are getting through it and closer to the light on the other side. It\'s just it\'s still dark where you are. I like to think we are here to hold your hand while you venture on. Some days it will be baby steps, some days you will trip and fall, as long as you keep walking through the darkness the light will appear. Many hugs to you, Sharon
Carol, I hope this is okay to say because I don\'t want this to sound like I\'m telling you what to do. It bothers me just a little that you feel you have to stop the tears. It\'s not necessary to not cry in order to move forward or through this. Everyone keeps saying that tears are one of the healing processes of getting though our grief and I do believe that with all of my heart. I did the same thing - I cried and cried and cried. I thought for months and months that they would never stop. I even cried without even meaning to - they would just well up in my eyes until there was nowhere for them to go but to roll down my cheeks. So, sweetie if our tears are meant to heal then please don\'t try to make them go away before it\'s time for them to. You wouldn\'t stop taking medicine the doctor prescribes before you were all better, would you?
Everything else that is just sitting that you haven\'t gotten to yet, what\'s the hurry? You need to tend to yourself and gain your strength back little by little before you should even consider doing something that you\'re not ready for yet. You should be treating yourself the way you would someone else who is grieving - gently, patiently, kindly, lovingly and give yourself all the time you need. Don\'t try to rush any of it, you\'ll know when it\'s time to do something new just as you knew when you were ready to wash Gene\'s laundry. Do me a favor, if you can - relax and take a deep breath and say \'it\'s okay, I\'m doing the best that I can do right now and that\'s good enough for now.\' Love and hugs, Judi