Moving Forward

Well, it's been a really hard week but I've made it through if only moment by moment.  I'm feeling rather sad this morning and missing Gene so much.  I only got to work two days last week, but it two days more than I thought I could do.  Yesterday I had to run out to my car because the wave of grief came over me in an instant and I couldn't hold back any longer.  I don't know which wears me out more, the crying or trying to hold the crying back.  How much can our bodies take?  I know Gene would not want me to be sitting around mourning, but it's so hard to see through the pain.  God, how am I supposed to go on?  There is no answer.  If not for my son I wouldn't have the strength or desire.  I missed grief counseling this week because I had company, but I'll see her again on Tuesday.  I only have four more free sessions before I'll have to start paying or stop going.  There is a group session on Tuesday nights I could go to, but I don't feel ready for that yet.  I sit and cry in my individual session, and I'm not ready to openly share my grief with a group.  Besides, I have my group here on DS that keepa me going.  My sister in law suggested I do individual one week and group the next to stretch out my free sessions.  It's something to think about.  She has been so supportive and understanding, I'll never be able to repay her for being there for me.