Up and Down

Woke up crying again this morning.  I was dreaming of Gene again and I didn't want to wake up because then I feel so sad and overwhelmed.  I cried for about two hours then decided to drag myself out of bed, get dressed and run to the store for some last minute items.  I've got company coming today and tomorrow, so that should keep my mind off my troubles for a while.  Gene's Aunt and Uncle will be here from Ohio, and Gene's brother in law and his wife are coming down from Pennsylvania today.  Tomorrow I'll have my son and his friends here so I'll try to make the best of it all.  Although I like having people around me, sometimes it's very overwhelming and then I just want to be alone again.  I'm having trouble eating right now.  The emptiness inside makes me feel sick to my stomach and I don't feel like eating anything.  Then I get so hungry that I'm sick to my stomach.  Seems some days I can't win either way. Then there's sleeping--I sleep too much and I am still waking up every night around 3:30 a.m. only to look at the clock and fall back to sleep. I think the problem is I am not getting "good" sleep.  I'm restless at night--tossing and turning.  I miss having Gene to cuddle against and hold on to.  Today I'm thankful for all the friends here on DS that have been so caring and supportive.  Peace to all of you.