A lIttle better

One day I'm doing ok, then the next I feel like I've been hit by a train of sorrow and tears.  I've managed to stay pretty  busy at work this week, and that certainly helps.  Being bored at work is absolute torture right now.  Saw my grief counselor yesterday afternoon.  When I told her about my dream that my life was a big jigsaw puzzle and I was trying to put it back together, she commented that one day I might get there, but there will always be that piece missing--Gene.  Just writing those words make me start crying.  Gene is gone and I don't know how to go on without him.  Somedays I don't want to, but I put one foot in front of the other and try to get through the day.  I told her a lot about him and how I had chosen him over my family because they didn't like him.  He was passionate and so intelligent, my family didn't know how to talk to him so they just stopped coming around.  That was fine by me.  I chose to surround myself with friends who didn't judge either of us and who loved us unconditionally.  I'm very fortunate to have those friends around me now.  I don't know what I'd do without them.   Gene's Aunt and Uncle are coming in from Ohio on Saturday and I simply don't have the desire/strength to clean up before they get here.  I know they will understand.  I'll make sure they have clean sheets and towels and they'll have to ignore the dust bunnies hiding around the house.  I'll get to them one day.  They're just so darn unimportant right now.  I'm not a very good hostess right now either but I know they will understand that too.  They are wonderful people and Gene's uncle is devastated as well.  He had 15 brothers and sisters and he is the only one left, so he's intimately familiar with the grieving process.