Catching up

Didn't get on to journal last night.  I was so tired after counseling then my son called from work and I could tell right away something was wrong.  He came over after work around 9:30 and just fell apart.  All I could do was let him cry and hold his hand.  I felt so helpless, as others around me feel when I cry.  But he needed to cry and I knew it.  I didn't say a word, just let him get it out.  I checked with him this morning and he said he was feeling much better and that he needs to cry more often right now.  I couldn't agree more, but I know it's hard for him because he thinks he has to be strong for me.  I told him he didn't, that I would be ok.  He knows I am surrounded by people I can lean on when I really need them. Monday night dinner went well.  No broken chairs this week.  As usual, the kids had me laughing and joking around all night.  We ended up watching some music videos, last week we watched a movie.   Saw my grief counselor last night.  We talked about how I've been trying to find a reason for what happened.  I told her I felt as though it was because I said or did something to deserve it.  She told me she doesn't believe that the world works that way, that there isn't always a meaning to the things that happen to us.  Good things happen to bad people, and bad things happen to good people and vice versa.  I felt well enough after talking with her to get to Walmart finally.  I'm now restocked on tissues and paper towels for a least the next couple of weeks.