It's overcast here this morning and dreary.  Hope the sun breaks through soon.  I have no energy and no desire to do what I know needs to get  done.  How do I go on just for myself?  Everything I did before was because Gene and i had a life together.  Now that he's gone what will motivate me to do all the things I used to do?  I'm only accomplishing what absolutely has to get done like dishes and laundry. But the yard is still a mess from the winter and I could care less if it stays that way.  I have to hold my grief in all week while at work and on the weekends I just seem to wallow in it.  I missed not seeing my grief counselor this week and I won't see her now until Tuesday.  She gave me a few hours of peace by just listening and affirming my feelings.  There is so much I can't even think about right now, I take one moment at a time and hope that I can get through.  The house feels so empty without Gene.  He filled every inch of it with his strength of character, and that's now gone.