I'm so tired this morning.  Cried alot last night.  Crying now too.  This isn't how it was supposed to be.  Gene and I were going to grow old together, walking this road hand in hand.  Now I'm on my own, and I'm scared and overwhelmed with sadness.  I stay in the house alot, too much probably.  I have to force myself to go to the grocery store, the bank, everywhere.  I'm afraid I'll break down crying everywhere I go.  I've been invited to a baby shower for my niece on Sunday, and I haven't decided if I'm going or not.  Home is the only place I can grieve.