I was so looking forward to today.  I really thought that the walk would lift my spirits and least for a ltitle while.  But I found myself anxious and sad.  It so hard to watch people go through their lives when mine is so turned upside down.  I did end up raising $700, so I feel really good about that.  But coming home and started thinking that Gene wouldn't be here to greet me and I wouldn't be able to share my day with him and the anxiety and sadness hit me like a brick.  I so don't know how to get through this.  The anxiety today was overrwhelming, even as I was walking.  I just kept taking deep, long breaths to try and relax.  It worked for a little while but now I am home crying my eyes out.  It hurts more than I could have ever imagined.