Had a bad day today.  I'm doing a "Heart Walk" on Saturday in Gene's honor for the American Heart Association.  I have a site where people are making donations and it has a picture of Gene up.  I kept looking at his picture and sometimes I just can't believe that he is gone forever.  It's as if my heart knows, but my mind keeps blocking out his death just so I can make it through another day.  I didn't go to work today, it was all too overwhelming.  I can't keep missing work, but some days I just can't get out of bed or stop crying.  I need my job, so I force myself best I can to get in for at least six hours a day.  That's the least amount of hours I can work and still keep my benefits.  I have a really hard time understanding how any company can give you three days of paid leave when you've just lost your spouse.  It makes me angry and resentful.  And now I'm 40 hours in the hole on my vacation so any time I take will have to be unpaid.  I can live with that right now, I just am afraid of losing my job if I miss too much time.  I shouldn't have to worry about that at a time like this.