Had my first session with the grief counselor this afternoon.  I like her alot.  I cried most of the time and talked about my fears and anxiety.  The things I've been worrying about most are the things I need to worry about least - like cleaning out Gene's clothes and forcing myself to act normal when I don't feel normal.  Unfortunately, I won't see her again for two weeks, but I felt very calm and soothed after our talk.  She explained to me how society sets unattainable limits on the grieving process and that no two people will grieve the same way.  Mostly, she listened.  She listened to me talk about how much Gene and I loved each other and how scared I am of being on my own.  I told her how easy it would be for me to dismiss my feelings, and how I had to fight everyday to grieve because I've always been so strong and independent.  She reaffirmed what I already knew, that dismissing my feelings would only cause larger problems in the future.  I'm feeling less anxious and more positive about being able to get through this.  I'm glad I've reached out to her and to everyone here.