I don't know how to go on right now.  I spend most of my day fighting back tears and when I'm finally alone I can't stop crying.  I miss my loving Gene so much, my heart is breaking.  I just want to go to sleep so I can feel some peace for a while.  I'm constantly on the edge right now and fighting the overwhelming feeling to just give in to it all and let go.  Work isn't helping much.  I feel as though everyone thinks I should be who I was, and I'm not.  I'll never be the same again.  It may just be my imagination, but I feel like people think I should just hurry up and get over Gene's passing.  I can't do that right now.  It's still so painful.  Knowing I'll never see him again or hold is big hands in mine.  He was my rock, he was my strength, and now he's gone.