It's 5 am and I've been up since 3:30 a.m. Just can't seem to sleep tonight. I made it through my first day back to work and only broke down crying once. Unfortunately, I'm not that busy and the time seemed to crawl by. I know I shouldn't make any major life decisions for a while yet, but my job just isn't, and hasn't been, very challenging for quite some time. On top of that, while I was gone, they made the decision to reassign some of my duties and I won't be getting them back. My boss keeps telling management he has plenty of work for me, but if he does, he isn't sharing it with me. Dinner with the kids was fun last night. They are always a real hoot to be around. They ended up playing "Life" and I ended up going to bed. Just fighting each day not to break down and cry is emotionally and physically draining. When I'm finally alone, I just let it all go.
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I remember times being in the grocery store and all of a sudden it hit me and I would have a melt down right in the middle of the store...I would be driving down the road and I would be crying so hard I had to pull over...I would see the back of someones head that reminded me of my son and I would sob...
Sleeping is intersesting. For some people they can not sleep and me I could not stop sleeping. I do remember waking up in the middle of the night and getting on line for I could not go back to sleeep and I needed someone to talk to.