Good day to all my friends here. It's been a rough ride the last couple of weeks, and it hasn't been pretty. You have all been so supportive and I thank you for that. The bad news--I've fallen for real--I had two smokes yesterday and one this morning. The stress of losing my job, interviewing, and problems with my meds and my mother, have all pushed me over the edge. I hate the fact that I've done it, I've given up nearly 10 weeks of my quit, but what is done is done.

I am still unemployed and have been very angry and sad. I have allowed what's happened to make me feel like a failure. I've been so down since it happened, and I can't seem to find my way clear of feeling overwhelmed and depressed. I put my husband through hell on Saturday and I can't even begin to explain what it's been like. There is a heaviness on my shoulders that is pushing me down. I cry a lot, and I never cry like this. Why is it that events in our lives can change our chemistry in our brains and make us feel so helpless.

On the bright side, I've had so much support from all of you and I know that I can quit for good this time. I have an interview today at 2:30 p.m. so I'll be back to let you know how it went.

I had an interview last night and they really want to hire me, but they offered me less salary and it is twice as far to drive. I didn't say yes, and I didn't say no, but combined with a lack of substantial benefits I really don't think it's the job for me. I am going to be picky this time. If any of you saw the movie Michael where the woman kept saying yes to marriage proposals, that's me. Everytime I get an offer, I take it, so I'm going to learn to say no before I say yes to my next potential job.