I decided to do a journal entry to help derail some of my anger tonight. I know it's partly related to losing Zackie, how much I had him tied to Randy and the time of year but it's more too. I had weight loss surgery in October. I've struggled with my weight all of my life and nothing ever seemed to work. I explored it in the 90's but my first husband was so against it (he and his whole family were overweight) that I didn't go any farther.
I fought long and hard for it this time. I worked with my surgeon's team for 7 months and was about to get my date when I had a heart attack in July 2011. My cardio Dr. was and remains one of my biggest supporters for the WLS. He told me if I listened to him, did cardio rehab he would sign off the surgery in 1 year. I continued to work with my team and did all he asked of me. I walked away from diet soda (I was sooooo addicted to Diet Coke!), junk food, changed how and what I ate and the year was up. He kept his word and on 10/5/12 I had gastric bypass. I know so many people think it's the easy way out, it's a crutch but for me, honestly it was last hope to have a healthy life.
My friends and most of my family were great. I had 2 aunts that really didn't understand it and didn't want me to do the surgery. I just was polite, told them I love them but it's my choice. If you can't be a cheerleader for me on this then please don't speak to me about it. My husband was great, since he's the main cook here due to my work schedule, he changed how and what we ate. A great support.
Lately, I feel like he wants me to fail. I've stalled on the weight loss which will happen and I just notice him giving me larger portions, making food that isn't quite on my list, etc. It's becoming a wedge between us. I don't know if it's that I'm losing and he hasn't, if he doesn't want me to lose weight or what for that matter. I just have started to think this is going to end our marriage.
Then last week, losing Zackie - it brought back full force losing Randy. Night after night, dream after dream - I recall everything from that week. I have never felt so empty as I did the day I lost Randy - it's a void only a parent who loses a child will ever know. All I want to do is cry - sleep - I'm just not in a good place.
So, if you're inclined to do so and you trust in God - say a prayer for me that this mood lifts and does so soon.
I fought long and hard for it this time. I worked with my surgeon's team for 7 months and was about to get my date when I had a heart attack in July 2011. My cardio Dr. was and remains one of my biggest supporters for the WLS. He told me if I listened to him, did cardio rehab he would sign off the surgery in 1 year. I continued to work with my team and did all he asked of me. I walked away from diet soda (I was sooooo addicted to Diet Coke!), junk food, changed how and what I ate and the year was up. He kept his word and on 10/5/12 I had gastric bypass. I know so many people think it's the easy way out, it's a crutch but for me, honestly it was last hope to have a healthy life.
My friends and most of my family were great. I had 2 aunts that really didn't understand it and didn't want me to do the surgery. I just was polite, told them I love them but it's my choice. If you can't be a cheerleader for me on this then please don't speak to me about it. My husband was great, since he's the main cook here due to my work schedule, he changed how and what we ate. A great support.
Lately, I feel like he wants me to fail. I've stalled on the weight loss which will happen and I just notice him giving me larger portions, making food that isn't quite on my list, etc. It's becoming a wedge between us. I don't know if it's that I'm losing and he hasn't, if he doesn't want me to lose weight or what for that matter. I just have started to think this is going to end our marriage.
Then last week, losing Zackie - it brought back full force losing Randy. Night after night, dream after dream - I recall everything from that week. I have never felt so empty as I did the day I lost Randy - it's a void only a parent who loses a child will ever know. All I want to do is cry - sleep - I'm just not in a good place.
So, if you're inclined to do so and you trust in God - say a prayer for me that this mood lifts and does so soon.
Replies
my prayers are said for you,,,,,love ya!!
I am so sorry you have so many problems right now. Prayers and love are being send your way.
Much love,
Leda
Sending you positive thoughts and gentle hugs...you are to be commended with your proactive choices with health altering surgery. And love to Randy and Zackie. XOXO, Debbie
My prayers are said for you! XO Kelly
The \"dark times\" are so hard and it seems like one thing just piles on top of the next. I hate them. Here\'s the thing...we\'ve been way way down and we have gotten back up and we can do it again. That\'s why we all band together, so we can be strong when another is having to struggle. While you are climbing up one side of the mountain, God is sending your \"answer\" up the other side so keep climbing, you have lots of \"sisters of the heart\" to help you along the way. Sending prayers for comfort, strength and peace to you...love and hugs...Lynn
I hope the best for you my dear friend.