#$@^$! &^$*@"&@!
yaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
am i cut out for this? am i cut out for this? am i cut out for this? can somebody please get through to him for me? because i can't. if he walks out on a conversation the instant that he's determined that i have been offensive, how am i supposed to clarify things? and so what if i hang out at the bar by myself after my gig until i get paid? why can't he trust me? why does he have to say bullshit like it's a different situation for a man being at a bar than a woman? what does that mean? that somebody's gonna slip something in my water? that i'm gonna fall madly in love with some sloppy drunk fuck in a couple of hours? that women have no boundaries? i mean, he watches football alone at the bar. there are all sorts of trashy high-fivin' women around. sure, i feel jealous if he talks to one of them. but does that mean that he shouldn't go to the bar?
i know, i know, i'm not him, and what he goes through is completely different from a lot of people. but couldn't he tell me that he's feeling a certain way about the possibility of me hanging out with the guitar player for the night, as opposed to telling me that he needs me to promise him that i'll cut our time short, 20 or 30 minutes max, because he feels uncomfortable about it? and that if i can't handle that he feels this way, that i should go find a man that doesn't? how can i not perceive that as a threat? that boundary is already there, but why can't he tell me about his feelings as opposed to creating a do it or i'll leave situation? i'm so pissed off. he told me he was asking me to change a behavior. well i'm asking him to change one of his! fucking therapist lingo motherfucker!!!!! i'm not suppressing my emotions, asshole, i'm waiting til you leave to release them because for some god damned reason you mean enough to me to do so.
ok but yeah, i do suppress my intense emotions more than is healthy, but right now i am healthily pissed off.
i was looking into his eyes tonight right before he went off to band practice with HIS OTHER FUCKING BAND THAT HAS GIRLS IN IT MR. DOUBLE STANDARD and i just thought i wanted to give up right there and be gone. just like magic, be moved out in the blink of an eye. instead i used my anger lerner style to assert myself, which actually prevented it from being a total catastrophe with begrudging suppression on my end, but i still have anger left over. i don't think lerner intended for this book to be used to specifically help an SOB like myself. son of a borderline!
and i listen to him say all his shit while the clock keeps tickin', and then when i want to say my piece, he suddenly really has to go, he's late.
when a coyote howls in the night tonight, he'll be saying "fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-yoouuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuu!!!!!!!"
at least i have journal time. thank god i have journal time.
am i cut out for this? am i cut out for this? am i cut out for this? can somebody please get through to him for me? because i can't. if he walks out on a conversation the instant that he's determined that i have been offensive, how am i supposed to clarify things? and so what if i hang out at the bar by myself after my gig until i get paid? why can't he trust me? why does he have to say bullshit like it's a different situation for a man being at a bar than a woman? what does that mean? that somebody's gonna slip something in my water? that i'm gonna fall madly in love with some sloppy drunk fuck in a couple of hours? that women have no boundaries? i mean, he watches football alone at the bar. there are all sorts of trashy high-fivin' women around. sure, i feel jealous if he talks to one of them. but does that mean that he shouldn't go to the bar?
i know, i know, i'm not him, and what he goes through is completely different from a lot of people. but couldn't he tell me that he's feeling a certain way about the possibility of me hanging out with the guitar player for the night, as opposed to telling me that he needs me to promise him that i'll cut our time short, 20 or 30 minutes max, because he feels uncomfortable about it? and that if i can't handle that he feels this way, that i should go find a man that doesn't? how can i not perceive that as a threat? that boundary is already there, but why can't he tell me about his feelings as opposed to creating a do it or i'll leave situation? i'm so pissed off. he told me he was asking me to change a behavior. well i'm asking him to change one of his! fucking therapist lingo motherfucker!!!!! i'm not suppressing my emotions, asshole, i'm waiting til you leave to release them because for some god damned reason you mean enough to me to do so.
ok but yeah, i do suppress my intense emotions more than is healthy, but right now i am healthily pissed off.
i was looking into his eyes tonight right before he went off to band practice with HIS OTHER FUCKING BAND THAT HAS GIRLS IN IT MR. DOUBLE STANDARD and i just thought i wanted to give up right there and be gone. just like magic, be moved out in the blink of an eye. instead i used my anger lerner style to assert myself, which actually prevented it from being a total catastrophe with begrudging suppression on my end, but i still have anger left over. i don't think lerner intended for this book to be used to specifically help an SOB like myself. son of a borderline!
and i listen to him say all his shit while the clock keeps tickin', and then when i want to say my piece, he suddenly really has to go, he's late.
when a coyote howls in the night tonight, he'll be saying "fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-yoouuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuu!!!!!!!"
at least i have journal time. thank god i have journal time.
Replies
i wish he would just take a xanax.
hey, i hope things turned out ok. most jealousy is unfounded, and unhelpful even when well-grounded. it just makes everyone a prisoner in bad relationships, and does nothing for good ones.
i am trying to find some info on this lerner thing you mentioned... can you point me to a reference or something about it?
Oh H. Lerner, The Dance of Anger. You mentioned it. I should read it.
yeah it\'s pretty good so far. it\'s meant to be supportive for women, but i often relate to the male situations, maybe because i\'m an emotional absent. but i don\'t think it\'s a girls only book. there is a lot of very valuable material in there for ANYONE.
i found the book at the library and have nearly finished it. yes, i think it is very good, especially on the topic of the futility of trying to blame the problem on one person in the relationship, the technique of owning one\'s own issues and the concept of over-functioning in a relationship. I think SOBs too often start to over-function in soothing the partner. According to Lerner, this is likely to cause the partner to under-function (which results in the pwBPD doing even less self-soothing, rather than more)
makes sense to me. i give up a lot when he starts telling me how i should feel based on incidents in my own life. i underfunction. but i overfunction when it comes to trying to calm him down.