ugh

dear diary,
you know what pisses me off? that he said that it's clear that i have jealousy issues because i felt jealousy when i thought he was on the phone with a female client. isn't jealousy normal? does having it mean i have an issue? i'm not trying to control him, or trying to convince him not to have any female clients.
i've been though so much lately, and he's said things to me, created scenarios about women to intentionally hurt me. i'm tender. i don't have fucking jealousy issues!
it's hard work learning to better myself. but, like a new job, it will get easier, and then, if i'm meant for it, it will come naturally, and i will be good at doing the things i want to learn how to do, like behave maturely in an argument or when faced with accusations, validate feelings, use anger productively.
what if he's not borderline and he's just a selfish asshole though? what then?
"then you walk away a better person than he," said diary.