20180613...a Wednesday
It’s a Wednesday. I’ve been having weird anxiety symptoms on and off for days now. Monday I was so shaky I thought I was going to pass out in the Wendy’s drive through. Tuesday, I was shaky all morning finally fading some in the evening. Today it has been coming and going in waves. One minute I feel great and the next the rolling nausea and shakiness return. I grow so tired of this shit. Seriously? There is NOTHING wrong! Dumb bitch!!
It makes me worry for my new relationship. He knows I have anxiety issues and has seemed unconcerned about it and said it would all be fine. I have tried to keep my crazy reined in. Since we live and hour and a half away from each other I am only seeing him on the weekends so he hasn’t been exposed to full blown panic or anxiety yet.
Hopefully this is just a short term issue that will pass. It has been several years since I have had to increase the dosage on my meds. I would really like to reach a state where I was able to go off of them but have been contenting myself with just keeping the status quo.
I have now gained all of the weight back that I had lost a few years ago. I feel slow, tired and unhealthy…which I am sure does not help matters. I started doing some more reading yesterday, trying to find the right inspiration to get healthier again.
This past year was just about learning to cope on my own again after being in a toxic relationship for so many years. My mom and I talked about how I used to be strong and independent and perfectly happy being alone. This year has been an awful transition filled with panic, anxiety and fear. Fear that I would never be ok being alone again.
Now I am beginning to be ok when I am alone and beginning to deal with the normal anxiety and health issues….hooray for me. Days like this are so frustrating when there is no reason to be anxious…but I guess that is why it is called a disorder.
I was reminded recently that pounding it out in a journal can be a type of release…maybe that will help me get back on track.
Replies
journaling is a really good way to get it out of your body, its like letting out the restless energy and giving it an outlet.. I hope u are feeling better today... it comes and goes in waves.. try to focus on your breathing, if u can control your breath u can control your anxiety- this is the difficult trick we must master (myself included!) xoxox
Hang in there. I have times of depression still but, I know the warning signs when they start to appear. I try not to isolate myself and I try to stay busing doing things. At present, I am working on the house my sister-in-law lives in. I have rebuilt 3 window sills, a door threshold, rebuilt a window trim, hung a door and redid a door entryway. I have also caulked 11 windows and 2 doors. Tomorrow, I start to paint the house. I know you can get through this. I am always here to support you.