20170504

Last night was at least a little quieter.  The anger is not working so yesterday he was using the sad defeated attitude.  We barely spoke most of the night and I think I fell asleep around nine.

I had a big panic attack right before lunch and now my mood has dropped dramatically. 

I started sneezing shortly before lunch...which started the health anxiety..even though I know it's just allergies..apparently my body is not listening.  Then the horrible shakes and the tightness in my chest, fluttery heart.  (why can't it just stop and be done?)

I have no desire to be anywhere and do not belong anywhere. 

I don't want to be at work, I don't want to go home.  I just want all this to be over with.  I know this is only the beginning and it will only get much worse.  It is what it is and I cannot make time pass more quickly.