2 weeks since ex left

It's been about 2 weeks since he left. Am I better - no. Some days I'm still numb. Others I'm so depressed I can barely move. I sleep on the couch. I watch tv constantly to have noise. I can't stand the silence. Since he was retired he was always here when I came home from work. I miss the conversation desperately. We've texted and talked a few time on him getting the rest of his things. I purposely mention his fiancé to remind him of his betrayal. I don't know what he is telling his family. His mother apologized for his behavior on Monday and now he tells me she is ok with it. So he either is lying or he told her something that is making her doubt me. Which I hate as she and I had a great relationship. I know it's petty but I don't mind if his family is mad at him for his behavior. They will get over it but maybe he will feel a little discomfort. But as he is about to get married and go on his honeymoon he probably doesn't care right now. When we last talked I couldn't help myself- I asked why her and not me after 10 years. He said he just couldn't see a future with me since my parents don't like him. And he had brought me down by depending on me financially. So he made the decision to leave instead of working it out. And ironically things were getting better financially since he turned 65 and finally got a good part time job. But maybe he doesn't have to work with her since she retired early and is just 61. Maybe she won the lottery. But whatever, life must be fun at her house instead of working out our problems here. My therapist asked me yesterday if he came back tomorrow would I take him back. I didn't know. Logically I know he is bad and would probably do it again. But I can't turn love off that quick. I need to get to a place where my answer is immediate and no! I wish I could move to get away from memories but I can't right now - I just signed a new lease (with him even after he got engaged) and I can't afford the moving costs right now. Plus I have a cat and pet friendly rentals are tough around here for a reasonable price. If I was a mean, evil person I would send her a letter telling her all about him and explain that while the "love for life" was engaged to her, he was kissing and hugging me, telling me that he only wanted to be with me, wanted to make it work, planned a vacation together. As my therapist said, he purposely planned to deceive me. It wasn't something that just happened. He had to plan it out. String me along just enough to get to the place where he could move in with her. My therapist reminded me of all the lies we know know he told in our sessions. I asked if I missed seeing this. She said no - he as fooling her too. She didn't get those kind of vibes from him either. I did nothing wrong. I loved him, I shared everything with him, and he betrayed me in the worst way. So why do I still suffer?