general
my headaches have stopped and sadly I have stopped breakfast again....
weighed myself last night and I had lost a few pounds before below my lowest I should be had kept weighing and it was slowly getting back to the magic number. last night though it had gone down a couple of pounds and I must admit I was excited, I haven't let myself go and gain weight and I am still, well to me, in a safe area.
I have to get some more food in the house, last night I only had my big protein bar in the house to eat and the last of my almonds. I go to the store, look around and end up buying the same thing but lately I am letting things run out, not good. I have many chances in food court to sample whatever I want but I never do, it is all food that really isn't good for you anyways.
again today I am going to do more exercise then I likely should, I do it all in the morning. I have done laundry, walked nala 50 minutes and now I am going out on my new bike!!!! I am excited, I wont goto far, I am out of shape badly.
my mother, ughh, is alone today, dad is counting money after all the masses and he wont get home until around 1:30, and it is always up to susan and I to not have her alone to much. I have no idea what to do and I don't want to do anything, I don't want to get dragged down, even calling about it fills me with dread. she gets no enjoyment over anything, no matter what you try, something is always wrong or it isn't enough.
well the clouds are coming back, id better get on that bike!!!!
have a good day everyone
weighed myself last night and I had lost a few pounds before below my lowest I should be had kept weighing and it was slowly getting back to the magic number. last night though it had gone down a couple of pounds and I must admit I was excited, I haven't let myself go and gain weight and I am still, well to me, in a safe area.
I have to get some more food in the house, last night I only had my big protein bar in the house to eat and the last of my almonds. I go to the store, look around and end up buying the same thing but lately I am letting things run out, not good. I have many chances in food court to sample whatever I want but I never do, it is all food that really isn't good for you anyways.
again today I am going to do more exercise then I likely should, I do it all in the morning. I have done laundry, walked nala 50 minutes and now I am going out on my new bike!!!! I am excited, I wont goto far, I am out of shape badly.
my mother, ughh, is alone today, dad is counting money after all the masses and he wont get home until around 1:30, and it is always up to susan and I to not have her alone to much. I have no idea what to do and I don't want to do anything, I don't want to get dragged down, even calling about it fills me with dread. she gets no enjoyment over anything, no matter what you try, something is always wrong or it isn't enough.
well the clouds are coming back, id better get on that bike!!!!
have a good day everyone
Replies
Glad your headaches have subsided. I hate the ones that start around my right eye, it usually is just a small part of the migraine, as I get migraines on the right side of my head. I\'m probably due for an eye exam some time before the end of the year, it\'s been 2 years since I\'ve been.....About the magic number...be careful with that. ED can very easily take control when that happens. I remember when that happened to me when I hit one goal, then had a panic attack [one of a few over the last 20+ years I\'ve had them], because I knew then that I couldn\'t stop restricting on my own. Thanks to God, and my mom, I finally got to a healthier weight. Though that\'s not to say ED has gone away, it\'s come back 3 other times. ED is very convincing at times, even now, part of me hopes that I\'ll lose weight with having to supplement with a fiber supp.and prune juice, because I\'m \"going\" so much. Then the next day, look at the scale,it hasn\'t changed, that makes me MAD, yet I\'m trying to accept whatever the scale says because if I lose as much weight as I did the last time I was restricting 3 years ago, my liver could rebel, then I\'d really be in trouble. 3 years ago, I lost 35 pounds in 2 months, not a good thing.
One question, why do you skip breakfast? When I had a job and didn\'t have time to eat breakfast, I would have a nutritional drink as a meal replacement and have small snacks throughout the day. As far as \"letting food run out\", I\'m in that stage too, I\'m not sure how much of my snacks I actually eat and how much I share w/ other people, so trying to find out what I need and what friends need to get on their own, instead of me sharing. I have the strong feeling that when I\'m done figuring this out, there won\'t be the need for such a large storage tote. Sorry your mom is driving you up a wall. Also realize after all this typing, I should have made this into a message, sorry it\'s so long. Enjoy that bike ride, and wear a bike helmet if you have one.
thanks electropro. that magic number is just clinging to the lowest end of weight range and I know in my mind I cant go below it, yet I am still happy it is just a few down. I am afraid that I will again feel not satisfied with the number even though, besides losing 10 pounds after knee surgery, it is the lowest I have been. I look in the mirror and see ugliness and looking older then I am, I am 58. so much loose skin from rapid weight loss 8 years ago and that makes me feel so unattractive and it looks like I still have a stomach. I would love to have an operation to remove the skin on my stomach area and my chest, I know I would feel better. as for breakfast I don\'t really know, I am sure it is ED related as I feel I don\'t need it to function even though I don\'t get lunch till after 2. however, today while writing this I am eating a breakfast bar! I did enjoy my bike ride and I did have a helmet! hugss
Im so glad youve gotten a bike (and helmet). Take it easy and enjoy going a bit further than you could on foot!
I know shopping can be a chore but I hope you can keep some food at home so you never have empty cupboards to blame for not eating.
Im sorry your mother is so depressed (or whatever it is that prevents her from enjoying anything and tends to spread her misery around). I know youre doing the best you can and that is enough.
Hope you can enjoy cycling and enjoy eating too!
*hugs* I hope all goes well with your mom... I know she drives you crazy. Don\'t let her encourage your ED... You are dangerously low and you should be eating more. get trail mix! it\'s yummy and has more flavor than granola. I know it\'s hard, but it\'s a step in the right direction. I\'m proud of you for eating breakfast! *hugs* Things are going to start looking up soon!
thanks, what would I do without everyone? I am aiming to bike today, it is my day off and it is going to be a beautiful day. my mother is suffering with extremem anxiety, depression and is slowly going blind, I know these are all terrible things but from going up with her, feeling and being treated unloved and now everything is about her, well has been, I am so soick of it I cant stand to be around her. I go for my dad. we are trying to get them to sell the house and it isn\'t looing good, cant say anything so I am backing away from it all. I will help what I can, bringing a chicken over tonight, then I am going to a meet up, making myself, to a talk about local hikes! I have to start making a life for me or I will end up like her. I have been crying so easy lately I cant stand it. larissa, you are determined to have me get that trail mix, but I think it is very indulgent and I know I would eat more then I should. hugss
Sorry to hear the old things are rearing their head.They are old ingrained thought patterns which you practiced over and over and therefore will be stubborn to challenge; we all know they don\'t disappear overnight. You do still have a choice and the ability to choose your actions; you can choose to eat breakfast again if you want to. I hope you can take care of yourself today and be kind to yourself. ((( Big hug ))) Kim x